How I’m feeling about my job,

I have been working as a Logistics driver since May, at first it was very nerve wreaking for me, I was trained on multiple routes, and felt like doing so makes it harder to learn the route that I would be taking over, I think for me it’s the unknown that get’s me nervous and my anxiety up,

That was then, this is now,

I find myself still a bit nervous when I’m giving a delivery that I have not been to yet, but I’m learning how to deal with it, I try to lift myself up, and not worry about it, yes today’s technology has gps and digital maps, but some of the times the delivery goes on military bases, and it makes it difficult when I don’t have a proper address, instead i’m giving a building number, This kind of delivery happened on Friday, but I did find the location and did the delivery,

When I first started I didn’t know how to drive a forklift at all, my manual pallet jack experience were limited due to 3 years of not working, but Now, I drive the forklift like I been doing it for years, still make a few minor mistakes here and there, but I got the hang of it really fast, my pallet jack technique has gotten a lot better over the months,

I find myself trying to sleep at night, I find myself wanting to go to work, strange as it sounds, I look forward to going to work, I feel like the guys that I work with has excepted me into there group, I did have 2 arguments with 1 driver, but once we calmed down we were cool,

Thing with me if I’m approached wrongly, I snap quickly, and He is the same, but again we worked things out, and I know how he is, so I try to keep my cool, and he does as well, I know how to talk to him, before I think we got into it cause we didn’t know each other that well.

I’m still considered a temp to hire, and the company I work for is going to hire me, but I just need to fill the quota of 680hrs then the process will start.

I’m paying off the bills that I neglected over the 3 years, I get paid weekly, it’s a good and bad thing, good thing is that I get paid weekly, but bad it’s only for a week, I feel it would be nice to have a full pay check, once that happens I’ll need to budget my money, knowing that the next check won’t come in for another 2 weeks.

Let’s see what else has been going on, I have been making purchases for things I want, recently go a new phone, cause my old phone would randomly turn off when it gets hot,

My PS4 is broken, it won’t turn on anymore, so gaming is on hold, I’m debating rather I should replace it or switch to an Xbox S, still undecided, thing makes it harder is that if I go the Sony route it’s pricey cause the PS4’s price is high due to the shortage of the PS5, which sucks in my opinion,

Since I can’t play my video editing has stopped as well, I loved creating videos, but if I can’t create my content, well there is no videos to produce.

There is a lot of things on my mind on what I should get, or get into, Thought about getting a telescope and do some star gazing, or been thinking of getting a bike and riding around on the weekends, or even riding to work with it.

Thing’s are up in the air right now,

I still fight with depression and anxiety, with this job I got medical, and have seen my Dr, about health problems, and he mentioned he wants me to talk to someone and open up about it, with me I keep it locked in, and it rarely comes up, I think it would be good to talk about it, but only time will tell on when, He wants this current health concern to be solved before this happens.

Thank you for reading,

Also for my new followers I appreciate the follows, and or comments, I would love to see more comments, but it is what it is.

Mahalo,
Blaine.

With PTSD,

traumatic experiences don’t end
when the event is over,
We continue living with
them in our memories.

Madeline Popelka

I am a griever.

That doesn’t mean I have a
disease.
It means that I miss and love
someone who has died.
Let me grieve at my own pace.
My reality is forever changed.
Do not judge me nor feel it is your
obligation to tell me to “move on,”
or “get over it”
Getting over it is not an option.
With time I will do my best to
move forward one step in front of
the other.
They might be baby steps, but it is
better than none at all.


There are three rules:

If you do not go after what you want, you
will never have it.
If you do not ask, the answer will always
be no.
If you do not step forward, you will remain
in the same place.

Yesterday is history

Tomorrow is a Mystery
Today is a Gift.

One Day You’ll

look back and realize that
You’ve worried too much
about things that don’t
really matter.

“Look at the stars.

The great kings of the past are up there,
watching over us. So whenever you feel alone,
just remember that those kings will
always be there to guide you.
And so will I.”

The Lion King

Those who worry

and overthink tend to have
higher verbal intelligence,
critical thinking, and problem
solving abilities.

You attract

what you are strongly
feeling and thinking
and this is why
a grateful heart
is a magnet for miracles

To heal a wound,

You need to stop
touching it.

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