Life Is Temporary

This is dear to my heart, let me tell you a story. When I had my last job a few years ago I got injured and broke my wrist, I had to get surgery and the process was painful, once I recovered I returned to work then the company fired me cause they felt I was a liability to the company, When that happened It was around the holidays and if you are one that actually reads what I write here, you know that I don’t do so well during the holidays, but when I got let go I fell into a dark depression state that added to how I felt during the holidays, during that time my Dad lived in Las Vegas, and I stopped communicating with everyone pushed people away cause of how I was feeling, for my Dad having our phone calls was important to him, that’s all we had and could do at the moment, over the years Dad had some medical issues, but again I didn’t make contact with him, instead my aunty gave me updates, with my settlement that I got from the work claim, not once I visited him, instead I continued to push people away, There was 1 day when I was feeling alright, I may have been in a good mood but I overheard my aunty talking with my Dad, so I decided to talk to him for awhile, He asked me how I was doing, I did the same, and he started to cry, and I started to tear up, I remember him saying that he was going to send me some money to come visit him, but that never happened to be honest that was the last time I talked to my Dad, Dad died December 24, 2019.

What I was going threw at the time is petty, I should have never treated my dad or others that way, but me pushing people away is a trend that I normally do, I’m not sure what it is or why I do it. Just keep this is the back of your mind, In life we are not promised anything, In a blink of an eye things can change, Whatever your going threw Fight to fix it, don’t take anything for granted for tomorrow is not promised.

Lose Yourself

If you had
One shot
Or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted
In one moment
Would you capture it
Or just let it slip? Yo
His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
There’s vomit on his sweater already, mom’s spaghetti
He’s nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready
To drop bombs, but he keeps on forgettin’
What he wrote down, the whole crowd goes so loud
He opens his mouth, but the words won’t come out
He’s chokin’, how, everybody’s jokin’ now
The clocks run out, times up, over, blaow
Snap back to reality, ope there goes gravity
Ope, there goes Rabbit, he choked
He’s so mad, but he won’t give up that easy? No
He won’t have it, he knows his whole back’s to these ropes
It don’t matter, he’s dope, he knows that, but he’s broke
He’s so stagnant, he knows, when he goes back to this mobile home, that’s when it’s
Back to the lab again, yo, this whole rhapsody
Better go capture this moment and hope it don’t pass him You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime
You better His soul’s escaping, through this hole that is gaping
This world is mine for the taking
Make me king, as we move toward a New World Order
A normal life is borin’, but super stardom’s close to post mortem
It only grows harder, only grows hotter
He blows, it’s all over, these hoes is all on him
Coast to coast shows, he’s known as the Globetrotter
Lonely roads, God only knows, he’s grown farther from home, he’s no father
He goes home and barely knows his own daughter
But hold your nose ’cause here goes the cold water
These hoes don’t want him no mo’, he’s cold product
They moved on to the next schmo who flows, he nose dove and sold nada
So the soap opera is told and unfolds, I suppose it’s old partna, but the beat goes on
Da-da-dum, da-dum, da-daYou better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime
You better No more games, I’m a change what you call rage
Tear this motherfuckin’ roof off like two dogs caged
I was playin’ in the beginnin’, the mood all changed
I been chewed up and spit out and booed off stage
But I kept rhymin’ and stepped right in the next cypher
Best believe somebody’s payin’ the Pied Piper
All the pain inside amplified by the
Fact that I can’t get by with my nine to
Five and I can’t provide the right type of
Life for my family ’cause man, these goddamn food stamps don’t buy diapers
And its no movie, there’s no Mekhi Phifer
This is my life and these times are so hard
And it’s getting even harder tryna feed and water my seed, plus
Teeter totter, caught up between bein’ a father and a prima donna
Baby mama drama, screamin’ on her, too much
For me to wanna stay in one spot, another day of monotony’s
Gotten me to the point, I’m like a snail I’ve got
To formulate a plot or end up in jail or shot
Success is my only motherfuckin’ option, failure’s not
Mom, I love you, but this trailer’s got to go, I cannot grow old in Salem’s Lot
So here I go, is my shot
Feet, fail me not, this may be the only opportunity that I got You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime
You better You can do anything you set your mind to, man

Today’s Quote

Be Grateful For What You Have

Because when it’s gone, let me tell you, Your going to miss it or something from it, For example a job that you are currently working at, lets say you don’t enjoy it 100% of the time, be grateful that you have it, cause something may happen and you’ll loose it, and without that job, your stuck.

A Letter From Dixie

A friend of mine shared this with me on Facebook, and I wanted to share it here.

Get the tissue NOW

Hi Mom and Dad .

Now that I’ve been across The Rainbow Bridge for a couple of months, they said I should write a letter home.
Sorry, Mom but I’m so busy ‘across the bridge’ that I haven’t thought of home much. They said it’s okay and that you would understand. I hope you do. (I think you will.)
Remember that night when I wasn’t feeling very well and u were all crying?
I don’t remember much, but I do remember seeing and hearing all of you and feeling your touches and hugs…I remember hearing “we love you” and that one last command of “Go through”.
I didn’t know what you meant, so I turned around and walked through the fog that was in front of me.
I saw the biggest bridge I’ve ever seen! And so many friends on the other side of it!
They were all playing with toys and balls!
You were right to tell me to go there!
My feet kept moving forward, but my heart kept pulling me back.
Your touches became lighter and lighter and I wanted to come back and nudge your hands for more love, but I was overcome by this feeling of curiosity for the happy place over the bridge!
My feet started moving on their own, like a gentle breeze was moving them forward for me!
I can’t explain it, but I had no doubt that it was the right thing to do!
So, I walked across that big, huge bridge by myself!
I looked for you, because you’re always by my side, walking with me, but this was different.
I didn’t have a collar around my neck or a leash connecting me to you ~ I was ‘free’!
Even though you weren’t there with me, I never felt alone!
I actually felt like I had a huge cape of love wrapped around my body and the more I walked, the easier it was to breathe!
So, I kept walking!
And I would feel more warmth in the big hug, so I kept on walking!
I eventually made it over the big bridge – I did it by myself, mom. When I got here, all of my new friends greeted me and helped me walk off the bridge ~ it was so cool!
They gave me a pair of wings and said that I was now a Guardian Angel!
What I’ve learned over these past few weeks has been amazing and nothing like I’ve seen before!
We’re all the same up here ~ we all have wings and we all have Forever People to watch over ~ that’s YOU, mom !
You’re my Forever Person and I’m your Forever Baby!
We had such a great life together and I do miss you a LOT, but please know that I am so happy in my new home across The Bridge!
I’ll send you another Earth Angel so you won’t be alone.
Give them your whole heart, like how you gave it to me.
I’ll check in very often to make sure they treasure your love ~ like I always did!
When you miss me, think of a rainbow and know I’m on the other side of it, waiting to walk with you again.
I’ll always be in your heart.
I love you, mom!
“Time for me to go play.”

-Author Unknown

Always Remember December 7,1941

On this day, we remember the heroes who lost their lives during the #PearlHarbor attack in 1941 and the survivors who were forever shaped by the events on that day. #HonorThem #PearlHarbor79

Growing up, My dad always told me stories about Pearl Harbor, He told me that it happened when his was a young boy, I remember him telling me that it was such a scary time, the day started like any other day, then it turned into what we know today. He also told me that, my Grandma was trying to shelter someone, I can’t fully remember who it was, part of me wants to say it was one of her kids, or it maybe someone that was just there and injured, but doing so my Grandma was hit by shrapnel and lost her arm, I don’t remember my Grandma much, or ever hearing her side of the story, I remember seeing her whenever we went to Grandma’s house, and she could barely talk, I think at the age when I was growing up, she was at her golden years in life. This day will not be forgotten, something like this being told by my Dad will always stick with me, There is even a time when I remember having the day off and me and my Dad always liked to buy lunch and just sit either watching the planes take off or on this day, I took him to Neil Blaisdell Park to watch the filming of Pearl Harbor, my Dad was nervous, upset even, when he saw the planes flying around with the Japan flag, it struck a nerve with him, I don’t blame him, to be there when it happened must have been very terrifying, especially for his age.

Thank You for taking the time to read my blog, I hope all is well.

This Christmas

If you are like me and have lost someone dear to your heart this goes out to you.

I have lost both my parents and my dog Dixie, My Mom was the person that did all the cooking, (boy! I miss her cooking) and brought the family together, after she left us things were never the same, I always knew I had family but for me that special feeling I once had when I was growing up was lost when Mom died. Dad always helped Mom with whatever she needed and told fascinating stories, not only did we get together throughout the holidays, but Mom decorated for Christmas, she was an antique collector, and she would use whatever Christmas stuff she had as decorations, lots of lights to the point where our circuit breaker would trip and shut off, that’s where Dad came in, always at the ready to flip and reset it so the show continues, my job was the train conductor, we had a battery operated train that went around my Mom’s decorations, and every so often it would go off track.

That’s what I remember the most when I think back to the holidays when things were young and new, I even remember this one time (as I’m writing and it jumps into my memory) I had a pencil case, like the ones in Japan, with all sorts of compartments, you press a button and out pops an eraser or something, back then it was an hot item, but I remember being at the store picking out the one I want, and we ended up having lunch, and somehow the package either got lost or stolen, Boy! I was in trouble, I think if my memory serves me correctly I was punished during Christmas, waking up and not being allowed to open my presents in the morning, eventually my Mom just wanted to teach me a lesson, and mid afternoon, Christmas was Christmas again, only thing I never got that pencil case, it was never found or replaced, but I can live with that, an even trade for that precious memory I have embedded in my heart.

Dixie, this is my first Christmas without her here with me, I will miss her small tiny little body, with the bark of a German Shepherd, She was a lazy dog, she played when I provoked her, but never did things like big dogs would do, We used to fight, I rough her up enough to get her going and she would attack my hand, boy, I would give anything to have just another moment with her, to hold her in my arms again, to kiss her, to have her kiss me. I know for those who follow and actually read my blogs, I talk in circles repeating over and over, well I’m sorry, I’m just writing whatever comes to my mind and heart. Life is hard, its nothing but ups and downs, crossroads after crossroads, I honestly believe that my parents and Dixie all thought me something very valuable, I honestly believe in my heart Dixie came and entered in my life sent from my Mom, to guide me and to be there for me, I always was a loner, Yeah I have friends but rarely open up to them at first meeting, for me it takes a while, But I believe Dixie’s purpose with me was to show me how good and perfect True Love feels, at the end she taught me how to say goodbye and how to let go, up until this point in my life that decision was the hardest I ever had to do. We never really did anything for Christmas, I live with my Aunt, and there is no Christmas tree, no presents, the only Christmas I see is what I see on the internet, So honestly it was just waking up like any other day, and maybe just Maybe, have a special dinner, between me and Dixie, I still can see that look she would give me, that look where she’s begging for something, as she waits to be hand fed.

So I understand how you are feeling right now as we get closer to Christmas, and the New Years, things never gets easier, but I find that thinking and looking back at those memories we shared helps, I’m going to be honest and just say that it puts a bandaid over that never healing wound.

I hope everyone reading this a Very Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year, I hope everything goes well for you all, As for me, I’ll be alright just say a little prayer for me or keep me in your thoughts.

I Love And Miss You Every Single Second Of The Day, Mom and Dad and Dixie, I know you are all together and blinding me with that light, as you look down watching over me, I’m sorry if you are not happy with how my life turned out to be, but I’m trying and I’m grateful to have air in my lungs.

Just be grateful

Just be grateful with what you have, having a want is more so a goal, I take this saying to heart, cause My want can’t be obtained, all I can do is push forward and remember the memories of my parents and Dixie.

I really hope this happens when that day comes

In time we will meet again Dixie, Mom and Dad, Simba, Sherlock and all the childhood dogs I knew growing up. I Love You 🌈❤

Everything that Glitters is Not Gold

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