New Videos

Hey guys! I just created 2 new videos, capturing 2 days worth of gameplay from Call Of Duty: Warzone.

If you are a gamer and would like to watch my videos, they will be posted below, please leave a like, comment, and maybe my videos is good enough to gain your subscription. πŸ™

Biggest Mahalo! going out to anyone who takes the time to read this and to all my followers here, and if you take the time to check out my videos, it will be greatly appreciated. 😎

I hope you all are having a great day!

FUTLESS

Follow my YouTube Channel

Aloha Guys, I’m planning on streaming later today my time, thinking about playing some COD Warzone, “Plunder” mode, I’m not sure if there are any gamers that is following my blog, but if you would like to check out the stream, please I invite you to follow my channel, hit the “bell” so you will be notified when I go live.

http://www.youtube.com/futless1


Mahalo,
FUTLESS πŸ€™

Today’s writing

I recently took these pictures of the little shrine I have of my parents and Dixie, These picture’s don’t do justice to my beloved parents and beloved baby girl. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t have them in my mind and heart. I find myself thinking back to when life was easier growing up, I have learned a lot from them, and still learning. I believe this path that life gave me was truly a purpose and a blessing. I sometimes feel that I’m so alone in tis world, but I continue to fight waiting for that better moment in my crossroads.

I decided to share these pictures and write this, I hope you enjoy it, this is very personal for me.

I appreciate you taking the time to read this, I do ask if you could leave me a comment, and give this a like, and I would be honored to have you follow my blog and journey.

Aloha πŸŒˆβ€πŸ™

How about we all live like dogs?! πŸΆβ€πŸŒˆ

How about we all live like dogs?! πŸΎπŸ’›
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Because dogs live in the present. Because dogs don’t hold grudges. Because dogs let go of all their anger daily, hourly, and never let it fester 🌻
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They absolve and forgive with each passing minute. Every turn of a corner is the opportunity for a clean slate 🌱
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Every bounce of a ball brings joy and the promise of a fresh chase 🎾
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Because dogs don’t judge your looks, money, ability or disability. They just love. Pure and unconditional πŸ’›
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Lets be like dogs 🐾
(Credit: https://www.instagram.com/p/CGAcUUYhEWK/)

It’s been 1 month without my precious little girl Dixie, it’s very hard to adjust, I miss you like crazy my pretty little girl! Was that you that I seen today? While driving, I quickly seen a butterfly and of course I said, “Hi Dixie, Daddy misses you!” There is not a second that goes by that I don’t think of you Dixie. Me and aunty was talking about you today, and I shed some tears, I often wonder why it hurts me so much more, then when my Dad passed, you were with me 24/7 for the last 4 years, I cherish that time we shared, my depression halted me from working, but it was truly a gift in disguise. I miss you SO Much my pretty little girl.

Forever and Always, I Love You Dixie,

Your Daddy.

A member of a Facebook Support Group I’m in wrote this to express how she feels, and I have it saved and also wanted to share it here.

I Love You My Pretty Little Girl Dixie! β€πŸŒˆπŸ™

There is days when I need to remind myself that

Oh my pretty little Dixie, Daddy misses you so much!

You probably already know this but I reached out and asked a old friend, that also was a Dr. at the hospital I used to work at, and I asked her for more information about what happened to you, She told me that it was more like the neurological problem caused the choking, the choking then caused some anxiety, she also said that she imagine that you could have suffered a stroke like problem that involved the vagus nerve and the glossial nerves. Unfortunately these type of accidents are rare and unavoidable if they are going to happen.

It just happened way to quick, I feel like I did not have enough time to say goodbye to you, but you know your Daddy, was worried sick about you during that entire week, I feel torn with feeling between, how fast it all took place, and I often think if you were scared or worried, I knew you was hungry though, Daddy knows that, eating was one of your favorite things, and you kept trying but when you could not keep it down, it broke my heart, and I knew it must have made you sad, I felt guilty eating in front of you, and for you not being able to eat with me, but I also know that I have solace in that it was quick for you. I often think if you were in any pain, besides could not keep your food down. I feel horrible for being scared to give you Sub Q fluids and on the second day, and I went to low and hit muscle and made you cry, Daddy is sorry, You know that I never meant to do that, I also wonder if you cried when you were at the hospital and they had to give you a catheter, I remember a few times when I used to hold you at the hospital I worked at you sometimes would cry. I just hope that when I was not with you behind the closed doors they treated you good, like they promised me, those were the only times you left me during that week, I tried to get my mind off it, and not worry but I could never really do or think of anything else.

Dixie this blog has turned into a memorial for you, a place where I can talk to you like if you were still here with me, Daddy is tearing up and crying right now, but yet I can’t help to know that you either sitting besides me, on my lap or laying on the bed as I write this for you. I miss you Dixie, so much! I don’t think a day will come that I will ever not have you in my thoughts, you are constantly on my mind, and forever in my heart, Keep smiling down on me, Keep visiting me, let me know that your there my pretty girl. I Love You So Much.

Love Your Daddy!

I Wasn’t Ready

A friend of mine shared this with me today on Facebook, and I thought to keep it here, and share it with those who are following me here.

I can really relate to this, I have lost both my parents, in which I never got over the grief of it, it hurts so bad, and I was not ready for neither. I tend to keep a lot of things hidden inside, and feelings is hard for me to show. There are times when I cry to myself, I have been doing that a lot more when Dixie left me. It’s so raw right now, I still have thoughts that I need to take her out, or feed her and so on. I see her everywhere I go in my mind. Whenever I feel like it’s going to be ok, I get hit with raw emotions again, and It just feels terrible. I know she’s in a better place, with my parents, but I just want to play with her again, pet her, have her laying cuddling on me, and for her to kiss me like she always did.

I’ll never forget you Dixie, your in my thoughts every single second. Daddy loves you and I still feel you here with me my pretty girl, I just want to hold you again, I know that will always remain a wish for me, until the day when I join you and my parents again.

Just a dog, right?

Only a dog, animal lover will truly understand.

Dixie, was everything for me, she was my friend, cuddle buddy, playmate, anxiety reliever, guard dog but Most important, she was my Wife. β€πŸ’•πŸŒˆ

The Question Sometimes Weighs Heavier Then The Memories

I find myself waking up at 2am, and can’t get back to sleep. When that happens I either check out Twitter, or Facebook, play video games, or even listen to music, but sometimes my mind drift back to loosing Dixie. There are times like today, all that raw emotions hit me like a huge wave, rather it is emotions, or of questions like “Why did I leave my plate alone with Dixie” or “Why did Dixie decide to eat something off my plate”, “If she had not done that, would she be still here with me”?.

I often think back the what the Doctors told me, they kept pushing the issue that she got into something, and I kept telling them No, the only thing she had is chicken, and she was choking on it, she was never a dog to eat things out of the trash can, she only ate what I ate. Could the choking cause this neurological disease?. I just don’t know the answers, It all happened way to quickly, I see that moments in time flashing in my mind all the time when it comes back to me.

“Should I have waited a fews days”? As I ask myself this, I want to say yes, cause of course I would have loved spending the time with her, but I knew she was going threw a lot, I asked the Doctor if she is in any pain, and she told me nobody really knows, Dixie would cry if she was, but to me she did not look like she was in any pain, she just could not eat, or keep it down. I knew she was hungry, when I had dinner, she would perk up a little and I would give her some, and she tried, but she just could not keep it down.

I guess me writing this shows you how much I really miss her with me, she is always in my mind and heart, it’s been very hard moving on without her, I find myself looking at her bed, laying on the floor or on the bed with me, I see her in my mind. I’m not good at handling grief, I keep it all locked inside, rarely anyone to talk to about this, I have been this way since my mom passed, and throughout the years it got harder when I lost my dad and now Dixie. For me sometimes the questions of “what if” or “should I” is heavier then the memories we shared together.

I would like to thank you for taking the time to read this, it really means a lot to me, if you have or going threw something similar, I would love to hear about it, if you would like to share it with me, please leave your thoughts in the comments. Mahalo


A Dog’s Last Will & Testament

For all who has lost a beloved pet, and wonder if we are betraying, them this is for you.